my Jesus…

Isaiah 53:

      1 Who has believed our report?
      And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
       2 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
      And as a root out of dry ground.
      He has no form or comeliness;
      And when we see Him,
      There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
       3 He is despised and rejected by men,
      A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
      And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
      He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
       4 Surely He has borne our griefs
      And carried our sorrows;
      Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
      Smitten by God, and afflicted.
       5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
      He was bruised for our iniquities;
      The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
      And by His stripes we are healed.
       6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
      We have turned, every one, to his own way;
      And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
       7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
      Yet He opened not His mouth;
      He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
      And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
      So He opened not His mouth.
       8 He was taken from prison and from judgment,
      And who will declare His generation?
      For He was cut off from the land of the living;
      For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
       9 And they made His grave with the wicked—
      But with the rich at His death,
      Because He had done no violence,
      Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
       10 Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
      He has put Him to grief.
      When You make His soul an offering for sin,
      He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
      And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
       11 He shall see the labor of His soul,and be satisfied.
      By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
      For He shall bear their iniquities.
       12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
      And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
      Because He poured out His soul unto death,
      And He was numbered with the transgressors,
      And He bore the sin of many,
      And made intercession for the transgressors.

just like a child.

I have the sweetest nephew in the world.  He is the most amazing little boy I’ve ever seen–and that’s not me being biased, just real.  He is such a smart, funny, cute kid.  Jaiden is about 17 months old.  I love him.  He teaches me so much about life without even knowing it.  I love that he is so full of faith.  He doesn’t go to his mom, doubting that she’ll take care of his needs, he just asks for what he needs, trusting that everything will be okay.  He doesn’t hesitate to ask, he doesn’t hesitate to say what’s on his mind, he just says it.  He is so trusting.  He is so loving.  He doesn’t discriminate, he doesn’t hold back love, it doesn’t matter if his feelings were hurt by the person he trusted, he gives them another chance.  He doesn’t wait to love until he has been given everything he wants, he asks for it, but loves even before he gets it.  He knows the meaning of the word “no”, and when he hears it, although sometimes it takes a few “no’s” to get him to grasp what we expect of him, he learns and stops doing whatever he needs to stay away from.  He has a lot of learning and growing to do, but we know that he will grow up.  We know that he is on track to grow, and that it begins with a heart of faith, love, and obedience.  

I love how little kids are.  Matthew 18:1-4 says, “At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  I love this.  I love how God’s kingdom works.  I love that we don’t have to be perfect, we don’t have to have it all together.  We don’t have to wait until we look the part to come to Jesus, we just have to go back to the basics… back to humility, back to trust, back to unsure, back to dependant, back to love, back to faith, back to forgiving, back to forgiven, back to when we first believed… like a little child.  God’s not calling us to have it together.  He doesn’t want us to go to college, get educated, put on a dress suit, write a thesis, give away a million dollars, run a marathon, preach a thousand sermons, and win 100 people to Christ before we come.  All those things are great things, but none of them are required to come to Jesus.  He wants us to come just as we are… just like a child… throwing off all intention to impress, to satisfy, and to win approval.  God will give us favor, He will help us to develop discipline, He will help us to “get it together”.  All He wants us to do is to come to Him, and He’ll help us with the rest.

not of this world.

So, we just got back from the Celebrate Women’s Conference at Casey and Wendy Treat’s church in Seattle.  The past few months, I’ve been feeling like I need to get away and to get fed spiritually (like a concentrated injection of the things of God) for a few days, away, with just me and God.  I brought Karelys Beltran with me, and we had an awesome time with Jesus and some of our sisters in Christ.  We knew very few people at the conference, but it was so powerful to be in a setting with thousands of women together in one place, in one accord, seeking and worshipping God.  I loved it.  There’s something powerful that happens when women gather and seek the face of God.  It’s one of my favorite things ever.  I just love women’s ministry and women’s conferences.  So, anyways, about the conference.  There were three guest speakers/singers.  First, was CeCe Winans.  That woman has some serious soul!  She came with some beautiful songs, (not what I’d normally listen to or sing worship songs to, but such a blessing to see her heart for God).  She really brought this sense of love for God.  It was cool to see her heart for God and the intimacy she has with Jesus through what she sings about.  Wow.  Secondly, a woman named Dee Dee Freeman, from Washington D.C. came.  She was an excellent speaker with such a powerful testimony about how God can turn your life around, and that FAIRYTALES DO COME TRUE!  It was so inspiring to hear how the first 8 years of her marriage were horrible, but because of prayer, and learning come under the headship and authority of her husband, her ‘bad relationship’ became an amazing one… and she continued to be married to the same man.  I love seeing what God can do.  I love knowing that it doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what has taken place, but that God still has a plan and a purpose, He can change ANYTHING and make ANYTHING better.  God through her is so amazing!  The third speaker is a woman who is a citizen of the United States, but has lived and ministered all over the world.  Her name is Pasty Cameneti and she came from Australia.  When she was telling us about her citizenship to the United States, but the fact that she hasn’t lived in the United States for years, it was very interesting to me.  We, as Christians, are CITIZENS of heaven.  We are citizens of God’s kingdom.  We live in this world, but are not of this world.  It was such a great reminder to hear how we are living for so much more than this life here on earth.  We are citizens of heaven.  We are not called to live only here on earth, but we are living for eternity.  We are God’s ambassadors to earth, called to bring people into God’s kingdom.  I love being reminded of this.  It’s so easy to get caught up with the natural that you ignore the spiritual.  God has called us to live our lives in the spiritual realm.  He has called us to bring things forth from the Spirit.  We’re called to submit the the Spirit, not to our flesh.  1 Corinthians says, ‘what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’  I love that.  Another thing she was saying is how God wants EVERYONE to be saved and to know the truth… and we are called to pray for ALL the people of the world.  (Sounds like a very large and daunting task, doesn’t it?!)  Well, in 1 Timothy 2, it instructs us on how to do this.  It says, “I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them.  Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.  This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth.”  God instructs us to pray for those in authority over us.  We all have a vote, we all have a voice, but we are not all in authority.  Those in higher levels of authority than us often have a much louder voice than us.  This is why we must pray for them.  We need to pray for our president.  We need to pray for our pastors.  We need to pray for our parents.  We need to pray for our employers.  We need to be people of prayer… for all people, beginning with those in authority above us. Esther summoned the Jews to pray and fast for her, that when she went into the king’s courts, she would have favor with him, to influence him.  The prayers of those people were so powerful, and God gave her favor, and spared the lives of the people.  Prayer is so powerful… especially in the times in which we live.   Prayer changes things.  Prayer accesses God’s power.  I relsolve for myself, in these times in our nation and our world, that I will not complain, I will not question, I will not doubt the promises of God, I will not fear, I will pray.  In 2 Chronicles 7, God says, “I accept your prayer; yes, I have chosen this place as a temple for sacrifice, a house of worship. If I ever shut off the supply of rain from the skies or order the locusts to eat the crops or send a plague on my people, and my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health. From now on I’m alert day and night to the prayers offered at this place. Believe me, I’ve chosen and sanctified this Temple that you have built: My Name is stamped on it forever; my eyes are on it and my heart in it always.”

by your side (by tenth avenue north)

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go

i don’t understand it, but i know it’s worth it.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “God works in mysterious ways”.  It’s true.  What God does is such a mystery to a lot of us… there are so many things that we will never understand until we get to heaven to be with Him forever.  Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Sometimes we don’t know what God’s purposes are.  Sometimes we don’t know why things happen, but we can trust that He does, and that He is taking care of usI want to send out an anthem of my love and of my prayers to those who are in times of loss and brokenness because of things that have happened in recent events.  Pastor David and Felicia, I know that God has a plan and a purpose through what you are experiencing.  Jaclyn and Janaye, sometimes we don’t understand why things happen, sometimes we don’t understand how or why such a series of unfortunate events can take place, but God knows what He is doing.  He has a plan and a purpose through it all.  We read through the Bible all of the men and women who went through trials, brokenness, loss, and pain… and see God’s purpose through everything.  Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, Job lost everything, Paul was shipwrecked, flogged, and persecuted for the Gospel, Hosea was instructed by God to marry a prostitute, John was exiled to the Island of Patmos, Jesus was PERFECT and was CRUCIFIED… I can continue.  God was faithful through it all.  Joseph was blessed and placed in a position to rule over all of Egypt, the latter part of Job’s life was blessed even more than the beginning of it, Hosea wrote a life-changing prophetic book about the unconditional love of God, John was called the disciple “whom Jesus loved”, Paul wrote over half of the New Testament, and Jesus SAVED THE WORLD.  God is sovereign over all things.  He never intends to harm His people, and what the enemy means for evil, God turns around and uses for GOOD.  Even though I don’t understand why things happen, even though I don’t always understand how God works, and even though there’s always some ‘mystery’ in it, I know that it is worth it all.  I choose to trust God and to worship Him in all things.  Job said, “”Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21)

finally getting it… but still so not there.

i think i’m finally starting to understand this whole “love your season thing”.  for so long, i’ve struggled with a restless spirit… wishing i didn’t have to be in school anymore, wishing i wasn’t single anymore, wishing i had my own business and my own house, wishing i was out of debt, wishing i was in better physical shape, wishing i had (or made) more money, wishing i lived in a different town, wishing for more friends, wishing people understood me, wishing i was better and this and that… wishing, wishing, wishing.  i’ve been learning that wishful thinking produces nothing.  wishing for something doesn’t change where you’re at. 

God gives us visions and dreams.  He places desires in our hearts for things that he wants us to have.  He gives us direction and He provides for us.  VISION IS SO IMPORTANT.  i’m not saying that having a vision, or “a wish” is wrong.  i love that God gives me vision… without it, we would be so lost… proverbs 29:18 says, “where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, but happy is he who keeps the law.”  vision is so good and so important.  but we need more than vision, we need to act upon it.  what good is anything we don’t put to use? 

i’ve been learning that God responds to movement.  God responds to action.  i’ve been learning to put vision into practice.  if i want to be in better shape, i have to workout and eat right, not just wish for it or pray for it.  if i want to be out of debt, i have to manage my finances, not just pray for a better job or for a miraculous $5,000 check in the mail.  if i want to be better at something, i must work at it.  i’ve been learning to stop sitting back, wishing for life to fall into my lap, but to be actively pursuing the vision that God has placed in me.  i’ve been learning that if i want something, i need to work hard for it.  we reap what we sow. 

God is calling us to not be lazy, to not be impatient, but to press on…

galatians 6:9 ”let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

hebrews 6:12 “we do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”

eager expectation.

you took me when i was broken

and you put my life together

you gave me a purpose

and you changed my name

God, i’ll never be the same

i know i am yours

God, i’ll walk a different way

not how i lived before

i live in eager expectation

as i serve my generation

cause i know that your salvation is here

salvation is here

i know i’m called to build your kingdom

Holy Spirit, alive in me

Lord, i wanna bring your freedom

to a world that needs to see

salvation is here

new heart, new spirit.

God’s grace: sufficient…heavier than the weight of my sin… pursues me… seeks me out… aggressive… more than enough… vast… amazing.
My failures:  nothing to God… cast as far as the east is from the west… covered by His blood… gone.
My weakness:  makes Him strong… perfects His power… doesn’t disqualify me.
My accomplishments:  nothing to God… do not qualify me… my righteousness=filthy rags to God… inadequate on their own.
My strengths:  talents… given by God… meant to help accomplish His purposes… to be submitted to God… not me alone, God through me…His joy.
The old self:  dirty… gross… sinful nature… tainted… impure… wrong… nailed to the cross… no longer existing.
Me:  a new creation in Christ… the old is gone, the new has come… a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a chosen generation… beautiful… the bride of Christ… loved… pursued… cared for… being transformed EVERY DAY… from glory to glory.
My life:  significant… valuable… necessary… not disqulified… bought with a price.
My body:  part of a bigger body…the church… the temple of the Holy Spirit… not created for sin, but created for the Lord… honors God… a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God… my spiritual act of worship.
Ezekiel 36:24-28 “‘For here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You’ll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You’ll be my people! I’ll be your God!

it’s not over until the fat lady sings… or until you hear that trumpet.

I love knowing that my neither my accomplishments nor my failures mean anything to God.  I love knowing that I am saved by grace through faith… not by my own works, not according to my own standards or my own performance.  I love knowing that God will never ever ever leave me.  I love knowing that He is a rock that is immovable.  Knowing that He is not going to walk away, He is not going to disqualify me based on my own achievment or lack thereof.  I love knowing that He already paid the price for me to know Him… that I can approach Him AND have a RELATIONSHIP with Him… because of what He already did.  I love that it’s not hinged upon what I did… because if it had, it probably wouldn’t be… because I know that, in my own humanness, I am weak.  I love when I am weak because it is then that God is stronger in me.  I don’t depend on myself… I depend on Him.  His grace sustains me… His love never fails me.  I don’t have it together… rather, I am far far from it.  I keep noticing how broken and lost I am without God.  I keep seeing how hard it is when I try to take my life into my own hands… how messy I make it on my own.  I also keep seeing how amazing God is.  Through everything I am, I do, I say, I try, every achievement, every failure, every trial, test, victory, and lesson, through all this, I keep seeing the solution:  He must become greater, I must become less.  I must step out of the way, in surrender, giving God the driver’s seat… which is a big thing, because I like to call the shots… but I must let go… because I know that His ways are higher, His thoughts are higher, and when I run towards Him, surrendering everything, laying it ALL ALL ALL down, that’s when I make it.  That’s when He takes control and puts my life back together.  I’m so thankful for grace… I need it so much… not as an excuse to continue in sin, that’s not what grace is for.  I need it to help me… like a stepping stone… to help me to live right… to help me to surrender… to sustain me… because grace weighs more than sin!  Grace is that aggressive forgiveness that pursues me… bringing me back into the loving arms of a God who will never leave, never fail, never harm, never lose, never forsake, never forget, and never do anything but what is best for me.  I want it.  I want you, God. 
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” –Matthew 11:28-30

define: repentance.

REPENTANCE: 
1.  deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.  regret for any past action.
3.  The act or process of repenting.
4.  Remorse or contrition for past conduct or sin.
5.  The act of grinding or ribbing to powder; attrition; friction; rubbing.
6.  The breaking of their parts into less parts by contrition.
7.  The state of being contrite; deep sorrow and repentance for sin, because sin is displeasing to God; humble penitence; through repentance.
8.  Contrition is deep sorrow and self-condemnation, with through repetance for sin because it is displeasing to God, and implies a feeling of love toward God. Attrition is sorrow for sin, or imperfect repentance produced by fear of punishment or a sense of the baseness of sin. Repentance is a penitent renunciation of, and turning from, sin; thorough repentance produces a new life. Repentance is often used as synonymous with contrition.
9.  Pain of mind on account of something done or experienced in the past, with a wish that it had been different; a looking back with dissatisfaction or with longing; grief; sorrow; especially, a mourning on account of the loss of some joy, advantage, or satisfaction. “A passionate regret at sin.”
10.  Regret does not carry with it the energy of remorse, the sting of compunction, the sacredness of contrition, or the practical character of repentance. We even apply the term regret to circumstance over which we have had no control, as the absence of friends or their loss. When connected with ourselves, it relates rather to unwise acts than to wrong or sinful ones.
11.  The act of repenting, or the state of being penitent; sorrow for what one has done or omitted to do; especially, contrition for sin.
12.  Godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation. –2. Cor. vii. 20.
13.  Repentance is a change of mind, or a conversion from sin to God.
14.  Repentance is the relinquishment of any practice from the conviction that it has offended God. Sorrow, fear, and anxiety are properly not parts, but adjuncts, of repentance; yet they are too closely connected with it to be easily separated.